Why don’t we have Netflix? Is Canada no longer an independent nation?

Canada, wouldn’t you look lovely? The land of our wares is getting its own Netflix comedy series from Canadians Why Don’t We? It also hosts a resolutely Canadian child actor who has recently been…

Why don't we have Netflix? Is Canada no longer an independent nation?

Canada, wouldn’t you look lovely? The land of our wares is getting its own Netflix comedy series from Canadians Why Don’t We? It also hosts a resolutely Canadian child actor who has recently been nominated for three Canada’s New Faces awards. *sigh* *eyes roll at validation* There is apparently something called the “Canadian talent gap” which might explain why our showbiz culture is so poor.

Scheduled to premiere in November, the show, called Beavers Misbehave, will attempt to showcase the idiotic tendencies of aquatic beavers as they live alongside humans and struggle with the universal human emotions such as embarrassment, fear, sorrow, regret, entitlement, group dynamics, envy, jealousy, envy, fragility, insecurity, pushiness, talky, playing the trombone, ruminating, overindulgence, love/hate, racism, classism, bullying, jealousy, disrespect, sexual exploitation, paranoia, death, smoking, fear of death, friends dying and not living, grief, fear of grief, windrows, grunts, feuds, fights, rat burps, hunger, hard labour, puzzling assumptions, defensiveness, drugs, prisons, speed, consumption, heaven, death, seamy short skirts, sweat, work, work, friendship, humour, overexposure, failure, novelty, idiocy, whinging, fat, fun, charity, painting, toilets, poop, grubbing, land, being terrified, sloth, lust, standing, walking, being social, being lonely, giving sex, cockroach, cat, lettuce, snot, patisserie, farm, laundry, baths, not-really-soap, green face, being fawned upon, friendship, shyness, boredom, boredom with every aspect of the human experience, having to deal with fame, loneliness, being left behind, trust, love, trust in yourself, being on roller coasters.

When we call Canada Canada, we might as well be saying “we are made of crap”, and Beavers Misbehave will be the first of many soul-destroying shows to rain down upon us as we suffer under internationalisation. We don’t have iPhones, we don’t have access to long distance services, we don’t live in mega-mansions with swimming pools, and on top of all that, we have no potential to be that boring and awkward you all love to laugh at. These qualities are in deep crisis across the country.

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